ha, i think it's really funny that i have no information about me available on this profile. I find it so funny that i was much more cautionary and just adamant about sharing my info with the public when i was younger or not even, just a few years ago, and yet, i actually put more info online now. I was actually thinking about filling in perhaps what my favorite movie or book was, but part of me still enjoys that disconnect, like it's not real. I think if i put my info up like that then i would feel like i am suddenly attached and no longer just saying my thoughts but somehow having to live up to some perception of who i am based on my likes or dislikes... I am very happy in knowing that people cannot follow or just look up what my life is about. I miss the easy access to seeing what everyone is up to, but it kind of just reminds me that if i really want to know or if they really want me to know, then there are alternative forms of communication and those tools can be used and implemented should an individual choose to contact me...

I think i'm also depressed cuz i have to see certain people online and sometimes the news that attaches with them isn't so pleasant...disappointment in reality is really getting me upset...I haven't felt so glum like this in so long... =/ ...i know exactly what i need which is to see the person and just have a hang out session but it's not realistic.. i need to figure out my life and see where things are going...even if i don't like my reality, i have to still be realistic and make some decisions..

unhappy..

That pretty much says it all...i'm just not happy. I've made myself socially disconnected from the cyber community and yet i'm using this blogging site as a tool of communicating my thoughts. It's funny I guess cuz in the end...i'm still connected. I've put myself out there and i will forever more be in the system. I feel happy though that access to my life has been limited to those who choose to make the deeper effort of having to find me rather than click on a page to see what i am up to. I miss the hellos and the conversations that take place. Just looking back at older pictures, before "like" buttons were placed, there was communication. If people had something to say, they would write it down or just say it. It's so displacing and detached with this whole "like" app. There's going to be an internet or electronic app for everything..nobody's going to communicate via mouth or phone call or anything else. It's all about mainstream communication...it's annoying... I miss having normal conversations but i like the option of having those conversations with people i don't really speak to. I like meeting new people and testing the boundaries with them. I think being away from others and the social scene of Facebook will help me just talk to other people and i already see improvements with that. I'm shocked at the conversations i've been having with people now that i'm off. I am reverting back to old ways and thinking...THINKING...nobody ever said to stop, yet it seemed so easy to not have to put that much thought into something once one is so detached...

I'm suffering from an absolute dissatisfaction with how things are. The current conditions of my surroundings are well...i'm not happy... I can't get out of this funk. I don't know what it is exactly...well there are a lot of things. I'm just not happy with anything. I wish there was some direction in my life...motivation and just a point where the pieces of the puzzle could just come together again and not just stay jumbled or spread apart. It's like when you have those last few pieces and you're forcing it to fit but in the end, it's the wrong piece and you have to keep searching and testing...Eventually there's an answer but still...what a search...it just seems so endless right now... If i knew what i even wanted that would make me happy. I want to do so much but there's no time for me to do all of it. I have to be stuck with the answer of "pick"...it's not good enough. I hate that answer. I want to be able to do so much. How can I just combine it all into one thing where I won't end up killing myself from slave labor of trying to just do everything.